The Inconsiderate Spouse
73Can Spouses Really Be That Obtuse
Every morning I get up with my guy around 5:00 am. I make coffee and him something to eat for breakfast. It is kinda like our quiet unspoken time together before he heads out to work and I get my last lil rest in before I get up for work. In between that time, we have a daily conversation on the phone as he is headed to work and he talks about some things he and other guys talk about regarding relationships.
So this morning he tells me about a friend of his who is having relationship issues because he is the one always giving and receiving nothing in return from his woman. He gives her gifts all the time and she does not even considered him. Then my guy goes on to say that I cannot be with someone who is so selfish.
Before he could dig himself further in a hole, I said that's how I feel. He got quiet. I said every time you come in the house with something new and nothing for me not even a lil something, that is how I feel. He seemed stunned and I am thinking to myself can he really be that obtuse. His consideration of me is practically non-existent.
So then he starts with all these reasons why - baby I buy food for the house, I do this and I do that. I say those are things you do for the house and I do just as much. But what do you do for me. Do you even consider me when you go into a store and shop? No you do not!
Relationships are a lot of work and when one person is selfish, it is hard to digest. Now I do not advocate throwing it in a person's face. But something has to give when one person in the relationship is always being overlooked. Call that person out on their inconsideration. Those talks are necessary to bring about positive change in a relationship. Maybe the other person has been so use to being about him or her, they do not see what they have been doing.
However, my opinion of my man is that on some level, he recognizes what he does. That is why he was so quick with the excuses. But I have to challenge that part of him to be more selfless when it comes to me and start appreciating more of what I do for him. Take the time to see how consideration is a key ingredient in a relationship.
Whether it is man or woman, successful relationships are built on key foundations. Love and trust being the most important pillars, but also consideration.
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You're right I should have mentioned everything I do for him....like wash his clothes, cook his dinner every night when I get off work even though he comes home earlier. Let me see, oh yeah, when I go clothes shopping I always think to buy him something. Actually if you thought it was complaining then it is obvious you read the article wrong. Don't be so touchy :) Only stating facts...
Maybe do this challenge together: each write what you are thankful for about your mate. Top 10, so it doesn't take a lot of time each time. Each time? Yes, do it around the kitchen table with paper and pencil, then exchange papers and read aloud the other's 'Things I'm thankful for about you...'. Do it again just verbally on a long road trip. Etc. Keep the written ones in a 'Keepsakes Box.' And, do it again monthly at first, so the idea of thinking what you are going to say, or write, on the next occasion, can cause some positive thinking in between the 'Thankfulness Sessions.'" Try it, especially if you think you aren't appreciated or thought of often enough. You might just be surprised how well this can work!
You know we do talk about how thankful we are in each other lives but it is not written and maybe that we make us remember to appreciate each other more if we had that lil written reminder. Thank you.
somethgblue Level 7 Commenter 4 months ago
Monkey see monkey do . . . where in the article do you point out what you do for him?
Hmmm, selfishness is a two way street in your household, perhaps a little more thought and a lot less complaining would make for a more credible read.